There are a couple of dating adages that probably contain quite a bit of truth. "She'll remember how you made her feel long after she has forgotten what you made her think." & "When you first meet her best friends, give them some undivided quality time and you will have a strong ally." Yes, those sound sexist but it is how I heard them as someone giving me advice. Men have feelings too and the universal message is that it is important how you make people feel. Those thoughts are not just about women.

Years ago, when I asked a very bright coworker (a black man with a Masters EE) why he thought that black people vote as a near monolith for Democrats. His reply, "Don't ask me to justify it with logic, but I feeeeeeel they will do me less harm." An acknowledgement that feelings can be a driver even in someone who's professional world is all about logic.

I have no impulse to censor and am fully on board with people's right to want to be heard and have their feeling acknowledged. At the same time I often question the idea of it being tactically sound if you are trying to influence change in people with a different worldview.

People also have a right to express what they think. A frequent criticism of the left from the right is that they feel, rather than think. The problem with that is that people of the left can think and people of the right have emotions. Where that is important is that if I express a thought like "systemic" racism is overblown and give reasons why I think that, it is most often met with things with the objective of insult, generating emotion and/or demonization; "You're a racist", "That's your white fragility", "You just want to maintain you white privilege", etc. That is every bit as unhelpful as it would be for me to belittle someone's feelings.

We all have a right to speak our minds and while politeness dictates the things you mention in your article, we all have the right to "politely" disagree or choose to not listen. I think it wise to listen, I pay five bucks a month specifically to listen to people's thoughts who are overwhelmingly to my left. I notice that people clearly to my right don't seem to enjoy the wide readership or comments here.

Retired and living my golden years in a world full of angry people.

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