Terrified of the police? Not terror but extreme caution is prudent. When I get pulled over I have license, registration, insurance card and firearms permit in my hand. Both wrist are on top of my steering wheel, hands clearly visible at all times. They shoot white people too, I do all I can to not make them fear me.
Yes, I am a white guy with some of what that may imply to you, some. It is tempting to put a bit too much personal history here, but I won’t. I will say that a major thing that in part formed my world view is not really about being white. It was my time in Vietnam as a Marine. Some people show up at the banquet of life and get served a shit sandwich. Life is horribly unfair and can be damned awful. It didn’t leave me with PTSD but it did leave me disturbingly cold at times I wish I wasn’t, or maybe I was like that already but had never been introspective enough to see it. We are a mix of our life experience and our genetics which is the cruelest destroyer of equality there is. I don’t know how to differentiate it.
I do not discount the issues others have that I don’t, but I don’t let that define them in my view of them. We all have bad stuff happen to us and hopefully we all have triumph in the face of it. At risk of having you think I’m an insensitive asshole, I really do think that shit happens, we must deal with it and carry on. The playing field isn’t level, but while one person looks at my white male privilege there are people looking at their American privilege, or some other advantage. You can rank the Apostles if you wish, but then what?
In a conversation with one of my daughters a couple of days ago I gave some of my sage, fatherly advice only to have her reply, “I can’t do that Dad. That’s not the way I am.” I get it. I explode into a tirade of obscenities and get over it nearly instantly while others might be awake at two AM mentally torturing their self about something that happened ten years ago. We are all different in both what happens to us and in how we deal with it.
Sorry that I’ve just rambled. Is it disrespect or honor that I think of this conversation as being with a thoughtful and interesting person rather than a victim of racism and misogyny? Yes, I hear you telling me about it and I give more weight to what you write than you may suppose, but that is more about your strength than your status as a victim in an unfair world.