I don’t know how much commentary is appropriate from a fly on the wall for your conversation so I hope I’m not out of line.
You don’t really have to go far back in history for examples of bad old days racism. I’m old enough to remember that first hand, including being refused service at the restaurant in a fraternal organization I had joined because my wife is not white (Thai). Mighty white of them to tell me that after they got my membership dues. It’s not like we were lynched or something so we got over it. That hasn’t happened in years, it’s the past. I won’t get long winded about that kind of thing by rolling out a CVS receipt length list of stories.
I mention it because we have a circle of concern and a much smaller circle of influence. Your conversation seeks to influence beyond my norm. My way is to embrace friendships on a personal level. Something I’ve observed is that it is quite typical for people to see their friends of different races as different from all those other folks. The more friends you have in other groups the less inclined you are to see the group and more likely to see people in a color blind way.
Some call my color blindness racist, probably because they think I’m not respecting their history. I’ve heard stories that will bring tears to your eyes. Not their ancestors, them. It’s not like you’ve got to sell me empathy for the pain that comes from racism, poverty and injustice. I get it.
More words than I intended. The point being you are both expressing yourselves and listening. That’s a good thing. I hope this reaches far. I’m enjoying reading your thoughts, both of you.